Last month I wrote about the first half of this blog, taking the inspiration from Gabrielle Bernstein’s book, to set yourself free and use forgiveness as a pathway toward inner guidance. I encourage you to read Part 1 first to remind yourself about Carmen and Callum’s story.
STEP 1: RETHINKING
Make a Compassion List. Identify the areas where the person on your list is struggling, then see your part you’ve played in the situation. Were there any false impressions from your ego that made you think you were 100% the victim. Your part may be as simple as: “I’ve been angry for so long, how can I let go of my anger now?”
February was wonderful for couples as it was the month of love (Valentine’s Day) and all of its commercialism hit the world. Now that it is July, what is going to happen next? Shall you go back to your overwhelmed self and your stressful relationship simply because you don’t have a step-by-step guidance on how to manage it better?
Taking the inspiration from Gabrielle Bernstein (A Hip Guide to Happiness), let’s have a look at forgiveness. Carmen and Callum (not their real names) were burnt badly in their previous relationships. They had both been cheated on before and were unaware that this became a huge block in their subconscious mind moving forward. The compassion for each other attracted them to be together. They simply didn’t want to be hurt anymore. However it is made them not very open to each other on a deeper level and the relationship became stale past the 3 months honeymoon period after they first met.
A male friend of mine who’s single, asked me to write this specific topic. Lately, whenever he got together with his married mates, they all complained about their sex lives. Either they are not getting enough, or they are not getting any. Perhaps as a man you view sex as a natural part of life, you have natural urges, it can be a driving force for you to get through your stressful day and you were created to produce offsprings, right?
If you are in a committed long-term relationship or marriage, you are expected to not have an affair but you are scratching your head because your partner/wife seems to have lost their interest in you. Sometimes you feel gone are the days that you were deeply affectionate and couldn’t have enough of each other.
During Easter break, I had a giggle to an image of 2 chocolate bunnies that a friend posted on Facebook. One had a bite chunk off its butt and it yelled at the other bunny, “My butt hurts!!!” The other chocolate bunny had a bite chunk off its ears and replied, “What??”
Often we complain that our partner doesn’t listen to us or doesn’t understand us. Perhaps they talk so much that it is hard for us to find a blank space, or a second to reply with our thoughts. But have you ever noticed that perhaps they don’t talk too much (or in great detail) with other people? Perhaps you are the only one that they feel comfortable to open up to? Isn’t it a privilege to be the special one that your partner can be their true self with?
Recently, I came to a big business networking event celebrating International Women's Day. The attendees were given a handout with some interesting statistics that one of my clients (the organizer and moderator), researched:
- When husbands do more housework, wives are less depressed, marital conflicts decrease and satisfaction increases.
- Risk of divorce reduces by about 50% when a wife earns half of the income and the husband does half the housework.
- Couples who share domestic responsibilities have more sex! (And who wouldn't love that?
How interesting was that research? In this day and age, the traditional roles of a man and a woman certainly have changed in a big way. More women then ever are very independent and reaching the top of their career ladder. Yes, we want more equality in opportunities and social acknowledgments, but it's not about crushing men. I feel it's about being treated more thoughtfully by our partner, in life and at work.